The Story Without a Title for now at least
by 5abaku no 6aara
Summary: Read. Review. Or prepare to be randomized. Randomly. In the most randomly assorted fashion. CHAPTER 4 UP.
1. Auditions

DISCLAIMER: If you do not appreciate slapstick, gratuitous cartoon violence, and/or multiple possibly simultaneous explosions of randomness, this is NOT the place for you. Please continue with your life…….somewhere else. Oh, and I own none of this.

Considering that I haven't figured who to put in the story, I'll let YOU – the other guy, not you – pick 5 from a auditioning cast of 20, who will tell you, in 20 words or less, why you should (or shouldn't vote for them). Okay, here we go…First up, Mario!

Mario: Vote for me now…because if-a you don't Nintendo will send crack op pyro specialists to burn-a down your house!

Bowser: Well, I'm on the unemployment line after my 273rd failed attempt to kidnap Peach, so, uh…I could use the cash…

Master Shake: What kinda piece-o-crap audition is this? I thought this was the audition for Mission Impossible 4! Screw this, I'm leavin'. Also, vote for me….because you KNOW you SHOULD.

Loudspeaker: crackle MS has exceeded his 20-word limit, he will now be subjected to rigorous torture. That is all. Crack. Nuts.

Stewie Griffin: A bullet sounds the same in every language, so stick a (bleep) sock in it, you pig! blam intercom explodes then regenerates What the deuce!

Solid Snake: ………………………………..whatever.

long silence

Author: Where are all the other characters…hey….wait a—no—SOMEBODY HEclick

random explosion. Zombie Pichu scampers in, followed by a horde of generic-looking RE zombies and Plagas-infested TV studio producers

Z. Pichu: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH…

Marth: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY BOOMBOOM! GSKLJBJKBFLJKHSDAKLFHAILCDN. GLARF.

What has happened here? Who is Marth? WHY am I asking YOU all these rhetorical questions? Vote NOW, or—

Randomizer: the Randomizer has determined that are you expendable. Prepare to be randomized.

Out pops the Charmander

Charmander: CHARMANspews fire….but instead come out potatoes, Carson Daly's left buttock, and a giant whaleDER….?

HAPPY START!


	2. Smasher Doominess

Welcome to the second chapter, which isn't really a chapter, it's more of a one-shot (or two or three-shot) that the Randomizer told me to tell you while it eradicates the zombie threat. So….here goes.

SMASHER DOOMINESS (written by MonkeyFishDoom-no-Jutsu, who is not a listed author, just a friend, in Japan)

Editor's Note: His story switches from present tenseto past tense a lot, just keep reading…or be randomized.)

OK…so when the zombies started killing everything the Smashers (not any of the other people) retreated to the Smashers Lounge/Apartment/Condominium (all fancy words for impenetrable cardboard box fortress).

"OK….so…..what do we do now?" Young Link questioned.

"How do you even-a know what's a going on?" said Mario.

"I was watching the security camera." Young Link said.

"We have a security camera?" Link muttered.

"UH….NO! NO! NO CAMERA! I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON HERE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT!" Y. Link shrilled.

"I vote we feed him to the zombies." Bowser growled, "All in favor say 'He dies'."

"HE DIES."

"OK, then that settles it." Bowser throws Y. Link out of the I.C.B.F. so that the zombies may feast on his polygonal flesh.

The Loudspeaker comes on. "Attention all Smashers. Attention all Smashers. You have been exposed to the ABC-virus. In 30 minutes you will all start turning into random letters of the alphabet. The only way to survive is to kill each other and find an antidote, which won't protect you from being infected again, it only works once, and won't appear until only one Smasher is left in the building, which is why you must kill everybody else first. That is all."

T-30:00 UNTIL ABC, 24 SMASHERS REMAIN

A long silence ensues, followed by mass panic and rioting.

Suddenly, the ever-crafty Ganondorf has a plan. "THIS IS ALL LUIGI'S FAULT! KILL LUIGI!"

"KILL LUIGI!" shouts the angry mob as they descend upon Luigi, who shrieks and screams in terror until his screams are cut short.

"OK…" Ganondorf screams, "WHAT DO WE DO NOW?"

"KILL GANONDORF!" screams the bloodthirsty mob.

"NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, NOOOOOOOOO—" Ganondorf dies.

Link suddenly has an idea. "FIRE! EVERYBODY RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

The panicking, idiotic mob quickly disperses to all corners of the I.C.B.F., and the clock starts ticking!

T-26:47 UNTIL ABC, 22 SMASHERS REMAIN

Link crept around to the Armory and loaded up on Fire/Ice Arrows and equipped every Zelda weapon known to man….plus the Super Scope and a appropriately named "boom stick". It's not a gun, it's a stick that acts as a flashbang. DUH.

Meanwhile, Kirby was hungry, so he stuffed Pikachu in the microwave, cooked, and ate him. Then he wanted dessert. So he wandered off looking for dessert.

Roy and Captain Falcon formed an alliance early on and prowled the halls, looking for an easy kill. Unfortunately, Bowser is not by any means "an easy kill". Fortunately, Bowser pressed the Random Trapdoor button and fell through a random trapdoor to the basement, right into the lair of a certain evil doctor…

Peach and Zelda were embroiled in a battle with Samus in the trophy room, and things only got worse when Marth joined the fray, distracting Peach and allowing Samus to vaporize her.

"FLIBIDIBIGOOEYUIUIUIUIUIUA!" Marth screeched, hopping around the room.

"Get it out, GET IT OUT!" Zelda screamed, flinging fireballs and incinerating everything in the room, including a Mr. G&W lying in wait against the black wall. However Marth was unscathed.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAtoast." Marth slobbered.

"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Samus yelled.

"Falco's dead." Marth sang in a childish voice.

"He's not dead." Zelda scoffed.

"Yes he is DEAD BIRDIE BIRDIE COOKED AHAHAHAHHAHHAHAH!" Marth ranted, running into the kitchen and wheeling out a tray with a blaster and a VERY large, cooked bird on it, presumably Falco.

"Oh…..my….what…." Samus mumbled.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHApity." Marth grabbed Falco's blaster from the tray and ran off babbling.

T-23:00 UNTIL ABC, 19 SMASHERS REMAIN

"Awawawawawawa….awawawaww…..awawawa….awawawawaawa…" Yoshi's wailing could be heard coming from the balcony. Jigglypuff decided to check it out. Unfortunately for Jigglypuff, Yoshi decided to make a Jigglypuff egg and roll it over the balcony to make a nice splat on the gorund 30 feet below…but there was no splat. Jigglypuff bounced back up and Yoshi swallowed it again, then Jigglypuff started to inflate …and inflate….and inflate…….until Yoshi exploded. Then Jigglypuff walked off in search of a clean shower to wash off the Yoshi guts.

Ness was wandering around the basement when he stumbled upon Mewtwo.

"_I challenge you to a psychic battle, o short stuff._" Mewtwo telapathized.

"I don't know….Mama told me never to talk to non-human sentient lifeforms…" Ness pondered.

"_Yo mama's so ugly she made a blind kid cry_"

"OH, IT'S ON NOW!"

While these two were engaged in psychic battle on another plane of existence, Link snuck in and killed them both by unleashing a horde of Bombchus.

T-20:41 UNTIL ABC, 16 SMASHERS REMAIN

Jigglypuff is singing in the shower. Suddenly the curtain is ripped back and the shadows of two raised mallets appear on the wall. Much battering and squeaking ensues. Apparently, every time Nana and Popo hit Jigglypuff, it reinflates. So they deepfreeze it and drop it off a staircase, shattering it into tiny Jigglypuff fragments.

Down in Dr. Mario's secret lab of secretysecretness, Bowser has been transformed into…Super Ultra Mega Turbo Nitro Tango 1-2-3 Doom Bowser! In other words, just Bowser, only 12 feet tall with a built in missile launcher and an implant that converts all farts into nerve gas, plus other enhancements. Doctor Mario cackles with glee.

"NOW, GO, SUM-TNT-123-DOOM BOWSER! DESTROY ALL, THAT I MIGHT ACQUIRE THE ANTIDOTE!"

Bowser responds by walking through the nearest wall and beginning his reign of terror. First targets: Captain Falcon and Roy.

In other news, the Randomizer got bored and Randomized itself, temporarily short-circuiting.

T-15:00 UNTIL ABC, 15 SMASHERS REMAIN

Bowser blew up Captain Falcon with a missile. His helmet flew across the room and knocked out Mario, who had been hiding behind the curtains. Fortunately, Bowser could not see him.

Roy was now backed up in a corner, Bowser advancing on him. "Any last words?"

"SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH…"

"Who said that?" Bowser growled.

"SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH…"

"WHO'S THERE?" Bowser screamed, whirling around to find a horde of zombified Pichus standing there, with little bits of Eskimo tunic still caught in their fanged smiles. "SANDWICH!" The mob of Pichus swarmed Bowser, devouring him whole. At the same time, Bowser let out a humongous nerve gas fart, rotting the flesh off a cowering Roy's bones. The Zombie Pichus hopped off, quite pleased with themselves, then scampered off, looking for another meal. Mario came to, saw the grisly scene before him, and passed out again. Link, disturbed by the current situation, took off the Blend-in-with-the-Wall mask he was wearing and departed for safe haven.

DK was wandering along looking for his banana, when he heard a strange noise coming from the room across the hall: "ADIJABLOOPERFINGINALKAPKO…GLARF."

The pitiful simian's brain came up with a thought: _What that? Banana?_

Marth burst out of the room, firing Falco's blaster in random directions and sprinting down the hall toward the trophy room. Suddenly a missile shot down the hall and hit Marth, although it did nothing as it seems Marth stole Falco's Reflector too. The missile flew back down the hall and incinerated poor Donkey Kong on contact. Marth escaped through a door.

Zelda walked up behind Samus. "If only Marth wasn't a certified lunatic. I can remember the day that happened…"

Samus sighed. "Me too…"

3 months ago

Link was running down the hall with Marth hot on his heels. Maybe stealing Marth's bunny pajamas and hanging them in the common area wasn't such a good idea…wait, he had an idea.

Marth kept chasing Link down the halls…until he tripped. Then he kept chasing until he got to a door at the end of the hall and ran inside. It was pitch-black in the room, and the door swung shut behind him. Suddenly the lights came on. Link was standing near the light switch…with…EARMUFFS ON? Then Marth saw it: the fairy, flitting next to a microphone, connected to a soundboard, connected to 426 speakers and 74 subwoofers. Then, the fairy began to scream.

"HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN HEYLOOKLISTEN (ad infinitum)"

NOTE: In case you lost track, the only Smashers left are Dr. Mario, Mario, Pichu, Link, Kirby, Marth, Fox, Zelda, and Samus

Present Day, T-10:00 UNTIL ABC, NINE SMASHERS REMAIN

"…and there you have it." Samus finished. "What a sad story."

Suddenly the door behind them (there are a lot behind them, pick one) burst open and the Z. Pichus swarmed the room. No matter how many fireballs and missiles were fired, they just kept coming. "Let's get out of here!" Zelda screamed. She teleported herself out of the hallway and Samus rolled away with Z. Pichus chasing after the pretty Morph Ball.

Dr. Mario was getting restless…why had Bowser not killed everything yet? He was perfect….or, as perfect as a genetically-altered reptilian sin against nature could be…oh well. The good doctor decided to go investigate.

Kirby was emptying out the contents of the freezer into his mouth when Fox appeared. Thinking he had an easy kill, Fox fired away at the defenseless Kirby. Kirby, however, decided to eat the lasers. _Mmm…cherry flavored…_ After two minutes of continuous firing or so, Fox stopped firing and Kirby belched a superlaser equivalent to the cannons of the Great Fox, magnified about thirty times. When the dust cleared, Kirby stepped over Fox's ashes in search of more food.

Dr. Mario…Zelda…Link…Kirby…Samus…Mario…Marth…Pichu…which one will survive? Or will they ALL turn into random alphabet letters? Stay tuned for the shocking conclusion of "Smasher Doominess"!


	3. Smasher Doominess Pt 2

PART TWO OF SMASHER DOOMINESS

Sorry, this took forever to upload since my computer crashed (twice) and I had to buy a new one. I got sidetracked what with school starting up again, but now it's over, so…NEW CHAPTER!

Present Day, T-10:00 UNTIL ABC, NINE SMASHERS REMAIN

Current Location of Smashers:

Dr. Mario: Searching for Bowser

Zelda: Running from horde of Zombie Pichus

Link: Also running, not with Zelda

Kirby: Savoring aftertaste of cherry laser

Samus: Also running, with Zelda

Mario: Unconscious behind a curtain

Marth: Running around with Falco's blaster & reflector

Pichu: Searching for stuff to eat

Dr. Mario wandered throughout the halls of the I.C.B.F., searching for his semi-beloved WMD, hoping to retreat ASAP. When he came upon the scene of ungodly desolation that was Bowser/Roy, all he found was a rocket launcher, dental fillings, and Roy's semi-alive semibody. Thinks the Doctor to himself, _This may not be over after all._

The horde of Zichus (as they will henceforth be referred to) stormed the nooks, crannies, crevices, and overall hard-to-find places of the I.C.B.F., hunting foodses. The Zichu in front was scampering along when it saw a rectangular thingy that looked quite appetizing…wait…there were letters scrawled on it…C…H…was that an H?

-BOOM-

As smoke engulfed the room and zombie rats writhed in agony, a shadowy figure leapt from the shadows and moved to safer ground. Moments later, the zombie rats got back up and started running again.

Kirby set down the now empty refrigerator and walked out of the kitchenette. He promptly sat down to watch the Andy Griffith Show, starring…Andy Griffith! An arrow suddenly shot through the adjacent window and impaled Kirby, but he just ate it. Kirby thought he saw a wing, but this did not concern him. He returned his attention to the Andy Griffith show.

Samus and Zelda ran down Hallway #25FmilkBETA and locked themselves in the kitchenette.

"Man, I'm STARVING." Says Samus as she picks up a sandwich. Unfortunately, Samus forgets she has her helmet on, and promptly smashes the sandwich on her visor, blurring her vision. "Man, good since I had these faceshield wipers installed last week," Samus mutters as the sandwich is cleaned off her helmet.

"saaandwiiiiich."

"WHAT WAS THAT!" Zelda shrieked in terror.

"SAAAAAAAAAAANDwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiich."

"THEY'RE COMING TO EAT US AND PICK THE FLESH OFF OUR BONES!" Zelda screeched. Samus calmly transforms into Morph Ball mode and rolls away.

"SAAAAAAAAAAANDWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFRLZQWK!" Zelda screams. Link, exhausted, crawls out from a cabinet. "Sandwich…sandwich…" He looks at Zelda. "Hey, you gonna eat that?" At this exact moment, the Zichu horde storms the kitchenette and devours the two whole amid screams of sandwich-related agony. Kirby shouts from the other room, "HEY! Could you guys just SHUT UP? I'm trying to watch TV here!"

Mario awoke from his helmet-induced nap, only to find Marth standing over him with a blaster pointed at his skull.

"Wake up, you blithering fool, I've got an antidote to find, and you're going to aid me."

_Wait a minute_, the still groggy Mario thinks. _Was that coherent speech I just heard? From MARTH? Loony MARTH?_

"No, stupid, you're still half-asleep."

Actual transcript of recorded events as recorded by the Randomizer:

"Hunh? Where am I?" "ASLFKJLASKFJSAKHFSAJFLK!" "Huh? Marth? I didn't know you could-a talk." "FLEEGLBROASJURTBAKWM!" "Sure, I'll help you find the antidote." "GLARF" (repeated blaster fire) (rapid footsteps leaving)

T-7:00 UNTIL ABC, SIX (?) SMASHERS REMAIN

The Andy Griffith credits were rolling. Kirby and his 174 bags of half-eaten popcorn and 62 empty 2-liters of Mountain Dew were sitting comfortably on the couch and surrounding floor. Suddenly, a masked figure swooped into the window and landed on the floor.

"Kirby, I challenge thee to a duel."

Kirby appeared unfazed. "Don't you mean _duel_?"

"That's what I saideth."

"No, you said _monkeytoast_." Kirby responded.

"No…I…WHATETH are you talking about…eth!" The masked figure grew impatient.

"Hang on, the credits are still rolling." Kirby lazily stuffed more Link and Zelda-flavored popcorn into his mouth.

The shadowy figure stepped into the light of the TV. Kirby recoiled in horror that his view was being blocked. "GASP! META KNIGHT!" Meta Knight stood there. "OK, NOW can we duel?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Wait for the credits to finish."

"NOBODY WATCHES THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW ANYMORE!"

"I do." (munch munch munch)

"Well…just…HURRY UP ALREADY!"

Kirby put down his popcornses, picked up the randomly misplaced Kokiri Sword lying next to the Waffle Juice, and waddled over to Meta Knight. "Look, if we're going to duel, we might as well eat first."

"BUT YOU JUST ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THIS ROOM!"

"Oh. Yeah. Well, let's start then, I guess."

They duel.

Edit: The Randomizer, noticing that Kirby was semi out of character, replaced all previous speech with "Wuddle". That is all.

Dr. Mario in the meantime, had transplanted Roy's soul into a spare Ray MK-II model lying around. He flicked the power switch on.

"Ray…Can you hear me?"

"Yes, Doctor. Where is Padme? Is she safe? Is she all right?"

"It seems, in your anger…wait a minute, who is Padme? Why are we saying this?"

"I…I couldn't have! She was alive...**I felt it!**"

"Ray, snap out of it!"

(breaks free of operating table) "**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" **(nothing happens)

The Doctor flipped the off switch and Ray crumpled to the floor. _Bug in the programming_, he thought to himself as he exited the lab to make a fridge raid.

All the Smashers (Dr. Mario, Roy/Ray, Mario, Kirby, Samus, M. Knight, Marth) fell into Random Trapdoors TM at this exact moment due to the Randomizer becoming bored (again). They all came out in a giant room. Really big. With waffles. Kirby and Meta Knight resumed dueling, Mario is NOT dead (Marth was firing at a piece of cheese), the Doctor and Roy/Ray are confoozled, and Samus ties Marth up in a barbed-wire wrapped straitjacket to temporarily prevent further chaos. Then the Zichus drop in and surround the Smashers.

"Man, this is getting old." Link complains. "These Zichus are an attempt by the author to kill off characters without thinking of original death traps. How lame."

"(kzzt) WARNING—PLOT HOLE DETECTED! PLOT HOLE DETECTED!"

At that exact moment, Majin Buu fell out of the sky and crushed Link into little tiny Linklets, who ran around screaming while Buu picked them up and ate them one by one, then wiped everyone's memory and disappeared.

After everyone remembered who they were, they resumed screaming about the Zichus. Samus projected a force field to cover the group as the Zichus advance.

"You know," Dr. Mario stated, "They will still eat us eventually."

"Shut up." Samus replied.

T-6:00 UNTIL ABC, SEVEN SMASHERS REMAIN

CLIFFHANGER-NO-JUTSU! Anyway, please R&R, flames acceptable, since I probably will just delete them anyway…I need suggestions on who to kill of next. If you have any, they would be greatly appreciated.


	4. S Doominess Pt 3: The Final Waffles!

PART THREE OF SMASHER DOOMINESS: THE FINAL WAFFLES!

Random is good.

Disclaimer: I like Evangelion. And there was some legal crap I had to mention in this space, but I forgot…mmm…donuts…oh yeah, I own none of this…except the I.C.B.F. because I made it up. So there. **_GROVEL BEFORE YOUR MASTER! GROVEL!_**

…Ahem…so…shall we?

Present Day, T-6:00 UNTIL ABC, SEVEN SMASHERS REMAIN

Inside the force field, the Smashers briefly contemplated their fate.

Roy/Ray turned over to Dr. Mario "I will not leave you master."

"Darn straight." The doctor replied. "Hey, the light over there is bad, come over here where I can see you."

"**I do not fear the dark side as you do!**"

"What are you talking about?"

kneels down "I will do anything you ask."

_You better believe it._ "Hey, Samus, go get me some popcorn, I'm starving."

Samus: "Idiot...CAN YOU NOT SEE I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOUR WORTHLESS HIDE?"

"Roy, get me some popcorn."

crazed look"**_YOU TURNED HER AGAINST ME!_**"

"Geez, whatever happened to 'I will do anything you ask'?"

"_**YOU WILL NOT TAKE HER FROM ME!"**_

"Roy, I just want some _popcorn_."

"_**LIAR!"**_

"Roy, _this isn't Star Wars!"_

"**_I HATE YOU!"_**

"He has a point," Mario started. "You did turn him into your cyborg slave to do your every bidding."

"SHUT UP!"

At this point the Author pressed the Random button.

Dr. Mario suddenly found himself in a strange place. It was hot. Really hot. And there was lava everywhere. There were weird people in white armored suits and funny looking robots running around killing each other. _This is dangerous,_ the doctor thought as a wrist rocket exploded to his right, shattering some funky machine and sending the robots on the bridges behind him to a fiery doom. _I need some protection, guards, firearms, anything…_ The doctor approached a harmless-looking white-armor-suit-person. "Excuse me, but could you help me find the exit? I wound up here somewhere and don't know how to get back to where I was."

"Negative. The Hero must be allowed to work alone." The armor person said.

"Hero? Who said anything about a hero? I'm an evil doctor. I…" The doctor looked down to see that he was dressed in some funny tan garments, with a silver cylinder attached to a belt. _That's weird; I can't remember wearing these before…_ He walked off dazed and confused in search of an exit. Suddenly, a robot dropped down in front of him and pointed a big, painful-looking gun at him. "NO! STOP! DON'T KILL ME!" The doctor cried as he thrust his hands out to ward off his attacker. To his surprise, the robot flew across the room and smashed into a wall, slumping to the floor. The doctor ran off before anything else weird happened.

After dodging a few squadrons of robots and hearing "Roger roger" so much he thought his head would explode, he found himself on a large platform. There was a figure at the other end of the platform, draped in a black cloak.

"This is the end for you, my Master."

Roy turned and flicked on his newfound lightsaber. A crimson glow emanated from the blade as he walked toward the doctor, barely constraining his urge to obliterate his foe. The doctor, struggling to figure out what the shiny cylinder does, peered into the top while searching for a button. He found the button, and pressed it. The lightsaber activated, splitting his head down the center and continuing until there were two symmetrical Dr. Mario pieces lying on the platform. "OBI-WAN KILLED HIMSELF" flashed in white letters at the top of the screen. Then everything went neon waffle-colored.

Back at the I.C.B.F., Roy, seeing that his Battlefront II expertise had finally paid off, relished in the absence of his former "Master".

Pit flew in to the room, but was an unimportant character that no one really cares about, so Kirby ate his face.

Pit dies

Suddenly, Mario had an idea. "Samus, help me throw Marth through the force field."

"And…why should I do that?"

"He's a lunatic wrapped in barbed wire. If they try to eat him, they'll be shredded. If they eat him anyway, well…that's one less idiot to deal with. It's a win-win scenario."

"What if he kills us before we throw him out?" Samus inquired.

"You're right. Let's just kick him out."

"Agreed."

So they kicked Marth until he slid out of the force field. He then proceeded to babble so much incoherent babble that the Zichus exploded out of sheer insanity. Babble.

"Well, I'm glad that's over." Samus muttered as she let down the force field.

Marth then proceeded to eat a can of spinach, bust out of the straitjacket, and kill everyone. Or, he would have, but his spinach can was in Kirby's stomach.

"So, uh…why are we here again?" Samus questioned. "I thought we were looking for something. Important. Wasn't that central to the plot of this story? How can we continue if we don't remember what we were supposed to do?"

"Who cares?" Everyone groaned.

At this point, A huge blast erupted from the ceiling and a figure dropped down.

"Solid Snake?" Mario groaned. "Don't you have a random nuclear device to stop or something?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. And it's here in this box." Snake replied emotionlessly.

"WHAT? YOU BROUGHT IT WITH YOU!"

"No, I meant this box fortress thing we're in."

"…Oh…YOU BROUGHT IT WITH YOU!"

"No, idiot. I _came_ here to _find _it because it was _already HERE_."

"…Ah. I see…very well then…YOU BROUGHT IT WITH YOU!"

Snake capped Mario with the M9 and stuffed him in a locker. Suddenly, an alarm went off. "ALERT" appeared in big red letters at the top of the screen. "Crap! I've been spotted!" Toads with ski masks and AK-47s stormed into the room.

Five minutes later…

Snake came back to rejoin the group and apologized for the Toad mess all over the walls and floor and ceiling and stuff. Another alert went off.

"ATTENTION. THIS IS THE AUTHOR SPEAKING. SOLID SNAKE, AS YOU ARE IN NO WAY FUNNY AND DO NOT FIT WELL WITH RANDOMNESS, I HAVE DECIDED TO REMOVE YOU FROM THIS STORY. YOU WILL NOW BE PLACED IN THE ROOM OF TORMENT UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE."

"When's further notice?" Snake muttered under his breath.

"NEVER." Snake disappeared in a puff of rubber piggies.

Snake reappeared in a room filled with 90,000,0W0,000,00F,000GREEN LCD TVs. _Gee, this ain't so bad._ Snake thinks to himself. All the TVs simultaneously turn on to reveal…THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo……………………………."

Meanwhile, Wario fell from the ceiling and splattered everywhere. His last words were "Wah ha ha!"

"Hey, weren't we supposed to find some antidote around 15 minutes ago?" Samus pondered. "Why are we not dead…unless THERE WAS NO VIRUS! YOU JUST WANTED US TO KILL EACH OTHER!"

The Author pondered. "…….so?"

"I refuse to take part in this any longer." Samus stated.

"YOU WILL **ALL** PARTICIPATE UNTIL ONLY ONE OF YOU IS LEFT, OR SO HELP ME **YOU WILL BE WATCHING MARTHA STEWART RERUNS FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!"**

Everyone fainted.

30 minutes later, after everyone recovered from that shock…

"OKAY, THEN, I TRUST WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER."

"Man, this chapter was a waste…" Samus remarked… "You only killed off four people and a horde of zombie rats, and only one of those people actually counted…and that BF2 scene was pathetic…and I don't really know how I know about that."

"I ate Pit's face! That makes five!" Kirby chirped.

"Pit's not important. He doesn't count." Samus retorted.

"**_SILENCE!" _**The author pushed the Samus Blow Up button.

Samus explodes

_Fin._

Wow, that was strange…but fun…I needed to kill Samus anyway. She was getting irritating. Oh, and I still hate Kid Icarus and nothing you can do or say will change my mind. Next chapter soon.


	5. Conclusion and Filler

AN: Yes, no one reads this story, and school took a lot of my time up, so I haven't updated in God knows how long. Random is good.

Disclaimer: I like Evangelion. And there was some legal crap I had to mention in this space, but I forgot…mmm…donuts…oh yeah, I own none of this…except the I.C.B.F. because I made it up. So there. **_GROVEL BEFORE YOUR MASTER! GROVEL!_**

The real Conclusion of Smasher Doominess!

Mario fell out of the locker and onto Meta Knight, who tripped and fell into a vat of liquid nitrogen and threw his sword and it cut right through Kirby and bounced off Marth's barbed wire straitjacket and hit Roy/Ray who short-circuited and fired a laser that fried Mario who also fell into the vat of liquid nitrogen which splashed down on Marth and it was really really really cold and Marth started flailing around and banging his head on the ground really hard until he lost consciousness then his foot hit the "nuke the ICBF" button and he was vaporized in the heat of ten thousand bob-ombs.

The end.

And so ends Smasher Doominess…the real story is next! But now, more random filler crap.

Smasher Doominess Outtake #1: Everyone dies.

Pichu was crushed when DK stepped on him and DK then tripped on one of the 574 banana peels lying around and broke his face and hit a trip wire which triggered a knife to shoot out from behind a portrait in the wall.

The knife flies through the air and hits Kirby and Kirby pops.

It continues on its way and severs Mewtwo's head from his neck, and Mewtwo, in his fury, unleashes a storm of psychic power doom that causes Ness to explode.

Ness exploding sets off a trail of gunpowder in his room that goes all the way down to the basement where Nana and Popo are loading liquid nitrogen tanks into the freezie-o-matic.

A liquid nitrogen tank explodes and sets off 5 more tanks that freeze the Ice Climbers solid and they fall and break into teeny tiny pieces.

The pieces clog up the intake vent for the freezie-o-matic and it explodes.

Dr. Mario is on the floor above, and the explosion causes the floor beneath him to crumble and he falls into the fire. And gets covered in napalm.

So he's running up the stairs and through the mansion, inadvertently setting stuff on fire.

He runs into G&W and G&W tries to put the fire out with his bucket but it's full of oil and they die in a huge explosion.

The huge explosion sends Jigglypuff flying down the hall at a zillion miles an hour, and it bounces off a wall and goes through the opposite window, landing on Marth.

Marth pokes Jigglypuff with his sword and Jigglypuff gets ticked and shoves a Sharpie down his throat.

Marth runs into the next room and tries to tell Roy that he's choking on a Sharpie but Roy mistakes him for the pizza guy from Domino's who kept his change last time he ordered and kicks Marth in the groin.

Marth goes down and Jigglypuff hops over him and pokes Roy's eyes out with another Sharpie then erases Marth with a Magical Eraser of Doom ©.

Roy runs into Y. Link's room all bloody and screaming and Y. Link jumps out the window to escape the zombie plague of doom and impales himself on Bowser and dies.

Then Link, who is using the Triforce of Lifting Really Heavy Stuff to pull a piano up the stairs ceases to exist and the piano falls down the stairs, blindsiding Yoshi and narrowly missing the egg bouncing along behind him, which hatches into Megasmilax and eats all the evidence (including Link and Yoshi but not Roy, who is still running around screaming).

Then Roy runs over near Captain Falcon, and Falcon thinks what Roy is doing is cool, so he pokes his eyes out with a cheeto and they go off running around screaming like morons.

Then Luigi, who's stuck in the bathroom with the runs, misfires and crashes through a wall, slamming into Roy and slamming them both into Bowser's spiky shell, and they die and become part of the mounting collection of dead bodies on Bowser's back and Bowser has a heart attack and dies messing up Fox's concentration.

Fox shoots Falco since he's really mad at him for beating him in Starfox 64 for the "n"th time, then he shoves his reflector down Falco's throat and turns it on and Falco explodes.

Fox then uses his blue shiny teleporty move and gets stuck in a wall.

Zelda and Peach scream at the sight of a half a Fox in the wall and Peach pulls up a turnip to hit Fox with but it's one of those clocks and peach throws it down and it breaks and sends them all into a never ending vortex of nothingness.

The vortex then spits out Ganondorf, which it had consumed earlier when he tried to destroy the laws of time and physics by having Chuck Norris punch himself in the face.

Ganondorf has gone insane, and he and Falcon run screaming into the room where Mario is doing some shrooms.

Mario thinks it's some ancient tribal ritual (what does he know, he's trippin) and they all run down screaming to Pikachu's room to mess with him.

Mario lights a fart and it sets him on fire and he sets off the sprinklers. Then about five seconds later Pikachu opens the door to see why there is much screaming coming from his room and the water floods out and Pikachu sneezes and everyone gets electrocuted and dies.

The electric water fries Samus whose suit malfunctions and starts shooting missiles everywhere even though Samus is already dead.

Jigglypuff eats all the missiles until they stop firing.

Then it pops.

END OF FILLER

More stuff soon.


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